The Bahamas
Meet Sandy Porker
My name is Sandy Porker. You probably just know me as "Swimming Pig". I live on an island in the Bahamas. I am super, super cool. I'm not like you losers, out there, working for money. I'm a celebrity. Try it. Google "Bahamas". Do you see a picture of a human? Maybe a beach? Or do I, Swimming Pig, dominate the show?
Now, because I'm a super cool celebrity there are rules. This is an agreement between me, the famous, cooler-than-cool one, and you, the non-descript loser.
Rules:
Bring good stuff. It's all about the quality AND quantity people!
Be on time. No photos or autographs during my beauty sleep, please.
Now, we get to be Google #1 because we are 5 star quality. What's your star rating?
5 stars: People who come in seaplanes. This, at least, is original. We like it when people pull out all the stops to impress us.
4 stars: Fancy tender, from a luxury yacht. These people usually bring good things, like sandwiches and cheese.
3 stars: People from hotels and/or cruise ships in tour boats. They bring good stuff, like whole carrots and cooked potatoes. Sometimes it gets a little tedious, all the screeching, and photos, and running. But, we want to stay on Googles #1 list, so it's smile for the camera.
2 stars: People from sailboats who bring crap like last nights left over lemon rinds. Pathetic. You can bring it, but don't expect any swimming or even a friendly greeting. You might get a hoof in the crotch.
1 star: People that paddle board over from their sailboat on a hot afternoon, bringing measly tiny chopped carrots suitable for the ants. I don't get up for that. I sent Lenny over to report back, and the report was dismal. Sad.
Just to recap, it's quality, quantity, and timing, people!
What star rating do you think you'd earn from Sandy Porker?
What star rating do you think you'd earn from Sandy Porker?
4 comments
Fun post, Lucy! Glad you spotted the swimming (or resting) pigs. I can't believe how many boats are anchored in the bay. What I remember, was being anchored in a different bay and dinghying over, with no other human around. We brought cabbage. I think we might have deserved 2 stars, but only saw one pig. :-)
ReplyDeleteWell, all populations have grown! We had about 50 boats at anchor with us and a lot of tour boats visiting too.
DeleteYeah, we'd definitely rate a 1 star or maybe 2 stars on a good day :-) There are some pigs in the Abacos as well, but they're not as famous as Sandy Porker and his friends.
ReplyDeleteI've heard the Abacos pigs are friendlier, since they are so full of themselves!
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