The Reluctant Adventures of Captain Hastings the Boat Dog
Boat Life Lately: Better and Worse
My sufferings continue. You already know how they recklessly crossed Chesapeake Bay in strong winds and it made me sick. I hoped things would get better. We haven’t moved the boat since the sickness, so in that sense, life is better; however, strange and peculiar events have caused me great concern.
They had gotten up, had vile poison drinks and boring cereal for breakfast. Then they started “getting ready to go to shore”. I walk to the swim step and stare at the dinghy. This is all I need to do to ready. They, however, are the worst. Even though they go to shore 3 times a day, over their entire lives, every time is like the first time. It’s like they are inventing the wheel every morning; such a palaver! “Where are my shoes?” “Oh yeah, I need shoes too” “Where’s my wallet?” "Oh, are we going shopping? Let me find the tote bags!” “My wallet’s GONE!” And I sit, staring at the dinghy. They get their act together, sort of, and Human1 (Names have been changed at Human2’s insistence) starts fiddling with the dinghy. Good, this is progress.
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| So much hope, leading to so much despair. |
A frenzied, agonized cry startles me. Are we at war? Are we out of cheese? Dear god, not the cheese stores! “Help, I’m covered in hives. I think I’m going to die!” So the cheese stores are fine and Human2 has an itch. Requests for death seem a little overdramatic, don’t you think? What do these fools know of suffering, anyway? “Is this all the itch cream we have” “Well, there’s a full one in your hand, a back up one in the closet, one in the regular first aid kit and one in the ditch bag. So that’s 4 full itch creams.” “Not sure that will be enough. I think I’m going to die”. Yes, we’ve covered the pleas for death and are really considering how to speed up the process. Surely, it’s best to pull the plug now.
So, instead of getting a walk that morning, Human2 writhed in pain. Then, Human1 made oatmeal, but instead of eating it like a normal person would, slathered it on the rash. Meanwhile, no shore walk is being offered.
Later in the day, a shore walk was offered. I tried not to get too excited, as disaster is surely lurking. We walked, and then walked some more. We went to a store. I was hoping for cheese but instead they bought cat litter. We are NOT getting a cat. Do I need another haughty overlord in my life? We started marching back, and then it happened. A sticker. In my foot. I started limping and got picked up, examined and replaced on the ground. I struggled on. Have I mentioned that this walk is at least three miles? I started limping again and was carried for a while, until the humans felt their suffering was too much and put me down. They are willing to carry beer and cat litter, but not me. I suffer greatly. Back on the boat, the sticker is discovered and removed. Cat litter is placed in closets. Beer is chilled to forget the rash incident. And no cheese is offered to me, who has survived yet another day at the hands of these imbeciles.
P.S. I was rudely interrupted while writing this tale of woe. A call for paper towels came from the engine room. This is not unusual. Paper towels were produced and Human1 pulled a horrid face, directed Human2 to lay down, and emptied the contents of our first aid kit on the table. I don’t know why Human2 had to hit themselves in the head with a wrench. It’s beyond comprehension. It is 6PM, and dinner time, and they think that they can bleed to death instead of producing dinner? It’s too much. I howl my protestations, which are wrongly perceived as cries of worry. What I really want is dinner, now, before they die. At least leave the fridge open before you pass out!
6 comments
Hastings, I showed your picture to my nieces and they think you're adorable. They're concerned that you have to live in such deplorable conditions. I know it was all Human2's fault and Human2 was probably being overly dramatic with the whole "I've hit my head" thing, but I hope Human2 is feeling okay. What's the cat litter for?
ReplyDeleteHuman2 is still coming up with ways to torture me, so I guess they are OK. The cat litter is to soak up moisture. Damp Rid is way too expensive, but we got really moldy in the yard so we're looking for a cheaper way to battle it....and hopefully have more dollars for cheese!
DeleteYour humans sound an awful lot like somebody who lives aboard Cambria -- where's my wallet (like I'm the great overseer of other people's things), death-inducing rashes, and hitting themselves in the head with a wrench (though in David's defense, he's never done that it's just that it wouldn't surprise me if he did). What I'm saying is, I feel your pain, Hastings. Hang in there, buddy! ;-)
ReplyDeleteStephanie @ SV CAMBRIA
This is depressing news. I thought it was just my humans that were so hapless- apparently they aren't alone! It's a miracle anything ever goes right!
DeletePoor Hastings. Why does he always take the brunt of it? One of the humans on Irie was so mad once, he hit the boat and broke his hand... Those were the beginning days of life aboard. We never got used to frustrations, but we managed to deal with them slightly better afterwards. And, "boat bites" were just part of the daily life. :-)
ReplyDeleteTry laundry detergent powder in little bowls you wedge everywhere. It always helped for us to take moisture out of the air (when we left the boat for a longish time) and truly prevented mold. It might smell better than cat litter as well! And, it is very cheap.
These boat injuries are terrible!
DeleteGreat tip on the powdered detergent- we'll try that for sure! And maybe I won't have to wash my clothes- just hang them in a closet next to detergent!